Holding Space to Improve Relationships

First: What Not to Do

When sitting with someone who is in a vulnerable state, and needs to express themselves, you might be tempted to:

• Interrupt the person;

• Give unsolicited advice;

• Try to comfort and encourage the person.

The problem is: if you cut them off, they might react strongly, because all they want, in this very moment, is to be heard and seen. They don't want to be reasoned with, or told what they should have done, or can do differently.

They need to be fully received. They (unconsciously) want the flow of emotions to be released, through their expression.

Energy needs to circulate. When the right amount of energy is liberated, the person will start feeling more at peace. More fulfilled.

Creating this kind of safe space is crucial in order to cultivate better relationships.

Second: What to Do, and How to Ask for it

During the sensitive moments you share with your partner, your children, your friends, your colleagues, or your clients, this capacity to be present, in silence. This is one of the most valuable qualities to develop.

When it is your turn to feel vulnerable, needing to speak your truth, and wanting to be fully received, then perhaps you will have to spell it out.

If the person interrupts you, to analyze the situation, justify or defend themselves, you can simply say: "Please. I need to be fully heard and seen right now. Please refrain from talking until I am complete. Thank you."

This is a vital component of communication that will improve all of your relationships.

Blessings from Northern Peru.

Alku Mateus